关于死

关于死

总有一种禁忌，保持着一种距离，不看太多，不想太多。
想是，人开始长大。肩担渐增。才开始会稍微想一想。因为，不想做个不负责任的人。
人开始老了，或许才会事先考虑清楚，更或许一些会事先办理准备。
而我，还只是在想一想的阶段。

如果死，我会希望我对亲爱的家人朋友有所交代。
最亲的人，不想他们伤心太久，要快快收拾好心情，过充实的日子，寻找人生更多的精彩。因为，我觉得世界还有太多太多神奇奥妙精彩处，我没法发觉体会，会希望至亲的人会能体会到。而我在他们的脑海记忆里，他们的心里，一起感受到。我们并不孤独。

如果死，我有点希望我死的当天或第二天就下葬。华人有死后至少三天才有葬礼的习俗，我没有深入了解。因为始终保持着一种距离。我想，那是因为华人孝顺尊重长辈，对死者还依依不舍，还想瞻仰。像是，真正‘临走’（到投胎或九泉之下之类的地方）前，与家人亲友在作最后相聚。对我来说，那是一种很深的悲伤。我或许承受不了。

所以，活在当下。要活得精彩，要珍惜彼此。死后，你我他都没有遗憾。彼此祝福在不同的道路上，一路走好。

如果死，我希望越早下葬越好。因为，我曾经梦见，我在梦里死了，灵魂出魄壳，看到家人在我身躯边伤心哭泣。我也伤心地跟着哭泣，梦醒时发现我枕头尽是自己的眼泪所湿。一位犹太朋友说过，他相信人死后，要尽快下葬，好让灵魂Spirit到神圣的某处，一种解脱。他说，亲友如此做法，其实是对死者的尊敬爱护。因为，如果死者没有及早下葬，其灵魂会在灰色地带徘徊，找不着其定位身份。有一定的道理和感动。华人的传统相信有多少不同。

其实，有点怕怕的我，加上完美主义的我，也不太希望，死后的我，还会让太多人见到。想让大家记得的，是生前真实的我，欢笑的我。人死后，留下了皮囊，还留下了什么。真正的他，对于亲爱的家人戚友，其实本应留在脑海，活在心里。

真正的精神，是永存的，是一起的，是不死的。或者说，根本就没死与生。

就在当下，加油，精彩过一分一秒！*笑*

锁

(src= http://www.flickr.com/photos/jeffrinehart/2041277589/)

我弟发了脾气，我难过了。我爸难过了，我心疼了。妈病了，爸照顾妈。妈病好了，爸照顾弟。我的心被揪得紧紧。
沮丧的时候，我想起了伊。我所以振作起来。

因为伊，我发现了自己，丢掉了自己，让自己重生了。因为伊，我坚强了。

我弟却迷失了自己。

我对他说

你可还记得你以前种种优越的个性，你可还记得你比我勇敢，我比你懦弱。我现在坚强了，你不是应该更坚强吗？
所以，现在你要勇敢面对它，勇敢面对自己。

我相信，凡事，每个人，的好坏，都有。如果可以尽数，是相对平衡的。
我没对你说，人，性本善。我却对你说，好坏充斥，取舍在于一线间，一念之差。当信念持正的时候，人，自然因好而笑。坏，自然因无法作祟而隐去。我们因为坏而认识好，发掘好，珍惜好，发挥好。好坏共存，只要能坦然对待，雨后彩虹后，你会因为好，而对坏感恩。

而你，因为病了，恶魔将坏放大。你忘了自己的好。

所以，你要将自己闭关的锁，给开了。

让你自己，给自己一个机会，找回自己。给大家一个机会，伸出援助。
我伸出的手，不感觉疼酸，只要你会紧紧握住。我会跟你走这大便一般的路。
你将来便会觉得，真正的大便，不过如此。

(src= http://www.flickr.com/photos/nap72/133416988/)

先将自己丢掉

看着伊的文字，我从心底笑了出来。
散发着一种自由的气质。
突然发现，伊，有信念，有想法；没有格局，没有形式。
我感觉到伊的心，让人很容易亲近感觉到伊的心。
伊善良，让我看见了伊舒暖宽阔的心境。
伊是如此美丽。

我看着一面镜子。
我，也有信念，有坚持，还有形式。原来，我自己有个框框。
我自己太有一套。

嗯，看来，我得先将自己丢掉。彻底那种。丢掉所有珈琐。
然后放开。
让那自由的心，油然而生。
因为我也想变帅。笑。

重生后，对伊笑着说：
妳有妳的信念
我有我的坚持
这交汇时互放的光彩
没有硝味
因为彼此坚信的
同是自然的感受
坦诚的交流

爱

What is with the Architect?

(src = http://www.flickr.com/photos/nolifebeforecoffee/124659356/)

Generally, when you hang out with someone who is an architect, do not feel weird that he is always busy looking around. He looks downward into the drainage strips; he looks upward to the ceiling. He uses stupid alien language like authenticity, mezzanine, louvre screen, HVAC [Heating Ventilation and Air Conditioning system], etc. He looks at details, materials, people, buildings, streets, urban corners… totally random they may be. But he may be looking at how people and things proportioning, standing, structuring, connecting, occupying, complimenting, contrasting and intervening each other.

And then, he could just sigh simply for the ridicule failure or the mythical astonishment of how things join, how brilliant talents of some designers endowed, and how shallow himself is. Basically, his eyes are just too keen.

And also, he insists to let something of the background in or out from the photos taken by his camera. He tries to make sure the background and foreground figures fit well into the frame. He tries to capture emotions and light. But he is as not professional as photographer. He is just happy doing that. At times, he is lazy or just snap shots on you with free styles. Because you are good enough to be in his pictures.

And so, you do not need to feel awkward, when he pauses and looks at you. Sometimes he is just too tired after busy looking around. He looks into you. He needs some rest. To rest, is to gain more and to walk further.

At times, he may be just absent minded. He could be brainstorming the ideas that flash through his mind, or just imagining things like how to make a paper stands. At times, his mind could be just as messy as his working desk. At times, he may be suddenly clear, just like his favor tracing papers that he uses topping layers of drawing complexities.

What is with the architect?
He has preference of taste. He insists, he sculpts, he does not care the rest.
He has his passion for life. He sees, he loves, he constructs.
When he feels the love to build his family, he promises to try his best to house his loved ones.
Because he believes "it is the duty of every man to raise the character and tone of his own home... to the highest point his capabilities permit." - Frank Lloyd Wright 1894.
And he knows this is not limited to physicality.

What is with the architect?
He never thinks he can be a thorough architect. Because he thinks architecture is about life. And he could never learn enough thoroughly from life. There is too much to learn from life. He is still far from an architect.
He is not an architect.

(src= http://www.flickr.com/photos/digianalogue/98555410/)

Hairstyle 髪

最近有人问了我一个挺有趣的问题。我喜欢女生长发，还是短发？
如果有看平面漫画的人，应该可以发觉，漫画里角色的发型都是不变的。现实中，人可是会变的。
我想了想，还是做点功夫。[点击小图看大图] 先用孙燕姿的造型图看看极短的发型。从我认为极限的长度说起。很有个性吧。

接下来，我选择了韩女星---李妍喜。比我年轻，却可以百变。她丰富的造型可塑性展示了长短发都有其美，能撑起不同的场面。

回想起来，以前喜欢或欣赏的女生，似乎都是短发的。可爱。活泼。所以，我喜欢的，应该是短发。再想一想，以前中学时期女生都不能留长发嘛。所以这么说似乎不对。现在觉得，短发会将一些人的五官衬托地更特出。看起来变得很有性格。

中学生涯结束后，许多女生似乎都留了长发。许多人变了很多，变美了，有韵味了。温柔。优雅。所以，我喜欢的，应该是长发。。。也不对。因为也有些人其实让长发给掩去了原来脸部好看的特征而不知觉。或让自己为了保留长发，而失去了尝试，为自己设了一个框。

而做这功课的同时，我突然发现，我很爱女生绑发。不同的绑法造型增添了可塑性，让女生呈现更百变的美。爱美，原是女生天赋的权利。我喜欢女生绑发。。或许是因为自己的审美及偏好。因为绑发，露出女生的耳垂。所以如果我有另一半，或许是很自然地。。。我会想轻言密语。轻轻地吻。远看像是咬耳吧。因为绑发，有时露出女生的后颈。我会想从后环抱，轻轻地亲。

电影《功夫》里黄圣依造型虽然留着长发，许多幕都显示她将发丝梳理在耳后。试比一比，原来[左]与加工后[右]的剧照。个人还是喜欢露耳垂的。

哪。。我是喜欢绑发啦？因为可以让我亲亲嘛？想一想，又好象不全对。因为如果没绑发，轻佻的风如果拨乱了她的头发，我会很自然地想帮她理一理秀发。我喜欢这样的举动。因为那一刻的她，是会有让人窒息的美。将她的头发摆弄好，还是会亲下去。

李妍喜多种造型我都看得赏心悦目。因为我喜欢她。
所以，绑发与不，长发与不，伊人依然，美。
原来，只要我喜欢伊，伊人就是美。伊真的很美嘛。
所以我要深呼吸。因为美会很窒息。

嗯。。嗯。。所以，长短发应该是非常个人的决定，表现自己的品味。发型更可以代表个人的性格。而，不同的尝试变化，也能带出新鲜感。我有时喜欢人家给我雪前一亮的新鲜感。或许因为生活很多时候是周而复始。而尝试的过程中，我们发觉原来有些东西并不适合自己。但因为尝试，我们其实在找寻，所以发现。

发现自己。

[Coincidentally, Shravasti Dhammika has posted a blog regarding Hair lately. Something very different to mine, but i believe there is a little similarity as reflection-- it's not about the hair but the persons.]

2008回首

2009新年将即。许多人正准备如何如何庆祝跨年。而没有跟朋友度过的我会在这小小的镇乡自己含蓄倒数。我记得回乡前跟一位同事闲聊跨年的事，他轻松地说了一句话：“It's time to think what you have done for this year.”

简单却不易答。令人醒思。这是很好让自己横冲直撞后停一停脚步，想一想的时间。

庆新年之前，回想这一年。到底我做了什么。

这一年里，我遇见了不少人。努力的人。善良的人。开朗的人。热诚的人。豁达的人。拼命的人。现在想来，他们都是用心活好日子的人。让我自觉，自己做得还不够，所以还要加把劲。感激大家踏入我的圈子。让慧根本来就缺欠的我，因为你们而见识了，长智慧了。谢谢。

对不起。我也做错过事。对不起，我待人处事方面做不好。所以我要变得更好。让我曾经无意伤害的人知道我改善了。我紧记教诲。人生的教诲。

还有，也不忘要对今年没有见面却让我想起的人问候一声，你好吗？


众里寻他千百度，蓦然回首，那人却在灯火阑珊之处
雾里探花百折转，蓦然回首，芬香即在脸颊芳吻之上

因为回首，所以才发现，岁月留痕来往不意间。
也所以惊觉，年轻的心，不能老。要keep咯！
夜晚了，我静悄悄地，在伊的脸上吻了。
晚安。

睡梦缘分

我这人爱睡。可以的话，每天希望可以睡上9小时。现在假期的我，更可以‘为所欲为’。但也不爱睡到第二天下午，因为我觉得那太浪费时间了。并不是要更多的时间赚钱还是什么，而是觉得可以用那些时间做些有的没的。觉得灵感会偶尔突然来敲门。我不想伊敲门的时候，我在睡觉。而我在外独居的时候，还要做些闲杂家务。所以昏睡并不是我最爱的。

但我爱睡。因为可以很自由。做梦也很自由。某程度上，我爱自由。除了偏爱右侧入睡，就没有什么法则了。睡着后，自由地踢自由地翻最好。所以，我睡觉不穿内裤。穿越少越好越薄越好越自由越好。男生还是通风的好。夏天的话，就没甚问题。冬天的话，依然，只要躲进棉被就很爽。睡觉就是我最任性的时候。因为梦也可以任性到一个程度。

这两日来，在零约束下，做了奇怪的梦。梦见了同一个女生。我善忘，却不想忘记相遇的点点滴滴。如果我忘了，还希望她会在梦里提醒我。前晚，她出现得亲近，想她是关心郁闷的我。我觉得耳根有点热。昨晚，又遇见了，心情激昂的我，叫了她的名字。叫得有点尴尬有点青涩。。才想起，我似乎常遇见，却还没遇见这熟悉的女生。

我才发现，原来缘分才是最任性的。

A-L

Answer
i am not looking for an answer, i just want to take Action. i am on the move.

Beauty
i love seeing beauty. who doesn't. but i think the most beautiful grows from inside-out. it is sacred.

Calm
i like you staying calm in my arms. i would think i have a babe. and i would say to you.. babe, i love you.

Doubt
i doubt am i sinful to look at Beauty.

Elegance
i have never learned the true Elegance. it is not for me to say because it shines.

Friends
a word that is so close and so far for me. as i have been needing friends. as i have so much yet to learn to be a good friend for my friends.

God
god, and good, are just an 'o' difference. for some, believing in god makes them feel good. for some, having such belief makes them good.

Hump
we slow the cars down when we are near to humps. i like wednesday as it is called the hump day. the toughest was over and the weekend is near.

Intimacy
it is really good to feel that. and you will not be alone in this strangers world. the spirits dance together. the beings hug together.
in.ti.ma.cy. into me (you) see.
and i look at you. we smile.

Juice
it is something childish. kids like fruit juices.
it is something youthful. it feels fresh.
it is something sexy. look at her lips, it is juicy.
it simply signifies life and energy.

Knock
i knock the door. because i feel the urge to learn more knowledge. that is why i need a key.
i knock your door. because i want to live in your heart. that is why i want to see you smile at me.
i knock knock knock.. because i want to remind you.

Love
it consumes itself; and it generates.
it was bound to the moment of its emergence.
it was freed to the moment it is understood.
it is exclusive and inclusive.
do you feel my love?

M-Z

Mute
it must be so odd if you can turn the environment 'mute' of sound when you are in a dancing club. you start reading the lips, comprehending the body gesture, hearing the sound of silence, and witnessing the flow of time.

Nature
is there any authentic nature nowadays? if there is, it should be somewhere deep in our heart.

Odour
i like fragrance. of natural or artificial, as long as it meets the taste. it is sensational. when a boy tell a girl that she smells nice, there is chemistry.

Paper
it is thin. it is the medium to carry my words. and my words carry my feels. but i hate 'paper-cut'. the wound is so thin that you don't really notice, and you feel the pain only until you are done with a task. something tiny does hurt.

Question
i am curious; therefore i ask question. there could be questions for everything. but there are things with no answer, just like sometimes we don't need an answer to fall in love.

Redo
there is actually no such thing, for humans. that is why it has been created as a command in the virtual world of computers. "yesterday is history; today is a gift; tomorrow is a mystery" comes loud as a reminder.

Soul
i am someone who shares the inner easily. but a perfectionist like me is highly selective to share my soul with.

Tense
i pour the whole heart when i love something. and before it is flooded, the air is so stiff so stiff; the clouds are so tense so tense. but i know tension could be lovely.

UV
how smart is it to put these 2 alphabets together. we love sunshine, but we dislike UV. i see her putting on SPF30+ face lotion.

Wounds
we are all vulnerable, because we are subject to wounds. thank you for putting a band-aid so softly on my wound.

X-ray
it is a huge medical contribution. transparency, balances up the efficiency of works. but sometimes beauty lies in the mist of vagueness.

Yawn
you do it; and i will follow you. ops, sorry, i don't mean you are boring, i just reflect the season of lazing around. boss, i am in holiday. mates, follow me, open up wide your arms, stretch your body, and yawn.

Zone
there is no law in gray zone, but uncertainties. i take the sword of bravery, attempting to cross the zone. sometimes, trespassing is granted.

雨后彩虹

这场雨。还在下。从昨天上午下到了今天下午。

让我回想了一些往事。雨。水从天而降下。有时绵密。有时松散。有时轻。有时重。所以有时觉得。雨水像是回忆。有时不能预测。不能避免。也不能控制。

回忆。是承载过去的时间。酒精。与其说是醉人其实是人自醉。沉醉于回忆。所以教育常说。过量酒精不好。我成长了。所以也慢慢学习了。时间。像是酒精。打针前敷在了皮肤上。冰凉凉的。其实酒精暴露在空气中蒸散了。不因你的留恋而停留。不因地心引力而不向上蒸发。不知不觉。像一个不留神。时间溜走了。针刺进了肤肉。才有了感觉。

雨还在下。雨水打在屋顶。再滴在树叶。再掉到土地上。渗进去。进去。我想起了数年前的一个雨天。

我觉得那天。那个雨天。为我笨笨的初恋。她正式画上休止符。那个傍晚下雨。我和她约好了看电影。那天就像朋友相约看电影那样。但我当时心底里还爱着她。雨很大。我下车撑伞去接她。上车后彼此轻拍去身上的雨水。说些有的没的。她面向着我。忙着理理衣服。我向她趋前。伸手到她身后。治安不太好所以帮她将车门锁的钮按下。她微微地向后缩。那晚我们看了电影。

几天后。我拿了一枝花放在身后去见她。以前送她一束花。她欢喜感动。那天见到了她。她脸色有点异样。我想让她开心些。我拿出了花。她没接收。告诉我。彼此不好再这样下去了。我不好像那个看电影的雨天般待她。她觉得彼此没有在谈恋爱而我依旧对她细心体贴。那是对我的不公平。她说彼此不好再相见。我觉得她伤感却坚定的眼神撑起了她柔弱的身子。而虚弱不舍的我回头走了。将那枝花放在草地上。那晚。处女座的她看起来长高了。巨蟹座的我很莫名伤心。

后来。我知道。她那是善良的残忍。我想说。
“谢谢妳的善意。我有了后来的勇气。”

我知道。曾经爱过。而我没有爱错那善良的女生。也因为她。我今天过得不错。以后也会好好的。因为。她应该知道。我希望她好。而我也知道。她希望我过得好。

我们还会见面啦。如果有机会啦。也会谈天的。虽然近年来很少联络。我知道。我们将来见面时。会很自然地谈笑。她会像以往一样又轻又密一直地说她身边她喜欢她快乐的事。我也会很开心地听着。笑着。

我想到她。就想笑。哈

笑

你有没有体验过一种感觉。。。输了。。却很开心？那是一种很妙的感觉。当我筋疲力尽的时候，还将力气输在了笑，然后躺在床上开心地睡去。我知道我是微笑着进入梦想。那感觉很妙。

你有没有从繁密琐碎的生活细缝中看见过一种轻飘游间的感动？那是一种很优美的举动，微细的感动。今天电车上看见一位模特一般的女生。繁杂人群中，她静静地坐着，却像鹤立鸡群。很模特的身材。很模特的服装。很模特的脸孔。很模特的眼神。还有一种很有性格有点冰冷的感觉。到了另一站，更多乘客拥挤在电车上。人与人间留下断续的视缝。断续的片段还是看到模特女生。继续看着。除了她美。更因为是本身对表演舞台的人出现在日常中有着极罕见的视觉震撼。但多数人不像我，许多人在物色着某某或或腾空的位子。相对地，模特女生内旁还有一个位，放着她不大的包包。。一位带着小孩的妇女意示模特女生让出包包的位。她迟疑了一下。后拿起她的包包。显然易见的，那位子是脏的。可是她自己移坐到那个脏位上。让出原来坐的座位给妇女。妇女不好意思地让孩子坐了。模特女生微微地笑一笑。很快地进入她自身静默的状态。像是准备下一场表演要来了。像是偶尔轻敲的琴键，毫不扰动他的电话交谈，或她的阅报，或他们的扯闹，或他们的谈情说爱，或他们的神游四方，还有我不时的观察。琴声却悠悠地飘扬在缝隙间。那种感觉很温柔细致。

你有没有被小小的手掌握过你小小的尾指？那是一种很亲切纯洁无邪的触觉。相信很多人都喜欢那种感觉。电车上，一位坐在我身边的爸爸，抱着他的小孩。那孩子如果是男的，那也长得太美了。如果是女孩，那也长得很英气。反正就是可爱的小孩。蔚蓝清澈的眼神看着我。从爸爸的怀抱里，伸出小小右掌。好像要击掌为誓。那先生说小孩要跟我 Hi 5！我笑着轻轻地拍在他的手掌。小孩笑得很开心。接二连三跟我闹着 Hi 5。结果我们好象 Hi 25 了。小孩后来顽皮地挣脱了爸爸的怀抱，爬到我的身上。我轻轻将他抱起。问他叫什么名。好象听到他爸爸说是 Veno 还是 Wilo 尔尔的。不象是澳洲本地人。小孩笑呵呵地用小小的手掌握着我的尾指。我喜欢小孩这样握我的手指。他爸爸说他似乎很喜欢我。

我笑了。

(Pic Source: http://casacamisas.wordpress.com/2008/03/05/now-with-double-wrist-action/)

一路上

今晚。有点夜归。捉输棋的错。奔。我奔向车站。。。

只见电车跑了。我慢了一步。
看着电车的尾巴。我叹了一口气。果然。电车只是一大条铁团。没有一点感情。没有娇龙的灵巧。没有白蛇的诡异。实在没有灵性。只有夜空的零星。

今晚。一路向北。一步一步地踏。走。我得步行回家了。。。

孤单个影。走在漫长的路上。从开始的埋怨。心绪慢慢沉静下来。我才发现。这一路上。我曾经走过。路旁的一树一屋。。映入眼帘。脑海掠过曾经走过的痕迹。原来。当年曾经陪一位女生朋友夜晚回家。走在这一路上。想起。原来她曾经喜欢我。所以牵了我的手。原来她当时并不累。

这夜晚突然变得很长。感觉走了很久。夜空呈紫。心情有点蓝。。。

接近家的路了。看到另一辆电车缓缓开来。我清醒了。心中。自然地。毫不迟疑地。毫不做作地。飙出一连串怪码。
好象是类似这样的。 #@$*%$##!!$^#% 。呵呵。。放心。我很好。不禁骄傲。我可比你这铁条快。我轻功有点进步。继续加油。轻功好。才能吃到棉花糖。因为棉花糖是轻飘飘的。天空中的一朵云。

回到了家。心情还有点怪蓝的。洗澡后好很多。所以我爱洗澡。洗澡的时间。是不容妥协的。睡前开一下电脑。看到师妹越洋的字句。自然地。毫不迟疑地。毫不做作地。我笑翻了。没有一点矜持。

我想。。。今晚睡不好了。哈。
不怕不怕。。周末来了。

短的。长的。有的。没的。过去的。将来的。你的。我的。
一路上的。谢谢陪伴。因为陪伴。这一路上。其实不寂寞。

爱。

New Life

I have just moved to this new place. A holiday-house alike kind of home. Visually, this is a very lovely house. And so, i post the lovely pictures up here. Living conditions actually could be meaning more than meeting the eyes. However, this post will be much about the coolness of my place. Telling the goodness will hypnotize oneself to feel good.

I personally like to complain, with or without awareness. However, i can get over it quite quickly. Because i will soon have new other things to complain about. HAHA.. I have learned not to be convicted in negative perception, or i have actually picked up to be complaining transiently, just for the sake of relieving negativity or just making common topics. Well, i have got some nicknames. In office, directors called me Curious Boy. Among some friends, they call me Complain King. I think the best nicknames should be Sweetheart or Darling kind of callings though. ^_^'' . But they should be highly limited to someone deserves to call. Hmm... now i know i am going too far from my topic today... OK, i have got a new living place. New Life began.

The house is located in North Melbourne. The so-far farthest place from the CBD for me since i landed on this big down under island. I plan to get a bike next year. Sitting far, this place has more green, and less dust i hope. But certainly with some fur. I have 2 housemates, Elmo and Oscar. They barked when they saw me, but now no more. And Elmo was committed to crime for kissing me without me saying YES. Well, they are pretty good housemates and i am yet to have further chatting with them. Under the same roof, the landlords are respected as highly conscious and practical environmentalists. They use grey water. They reuse water. They smartly use water. You can see we are actually living in an era that water is precious. Australia should be grateful to have people like them.

Hmm... This is a house with 2 blocks and a garden courtyard in between. My little (actually spacious leh! wahaha~) dwelling room is on upstairs of the rear house. The best physicality about this room is having the built-in robe (at the left side of the pic above. beyond this photos montage. so exaggeratedly reminding you not be able to see it. BIGNESS is the celebration) that is extremely big and i have hidden all my fugly things inside. I call this-- the Art of Ninja. I have to say that i sleep very well for the whole week since the first day here. I am not sure though, if it is because of the comfortably big double bed (as compared to the futon as my previous bed in old house) complimented by the green environment here, or simply i have been too tired of moving house such a BIG project.

I have been spending about 1 week to slowly unpack my millions of stuffs since arrival. 30% was done upon arrival day. Another 30% was done by today. Another 25% will be books and magazines which are yet to be unpacked and put nicely on the black color shelf that you could see from the picture. I will do it tomorrow! And make it looks so much like i am a good and keen reader. No smoking. No pubs. No smoke. Less calories. Less stress. More happiness... But hor.. speaking of reading, shelving the books is all about look. How pathetic! Argh... i actually love picture, love scene, love painting... but not too much of words. Some when from kids to high school time, i loved reading. Now i have many other distraction, good and bad. Well, i will and should try to re-nurture the elegance of reading spirit though! AHAHA~ And i need good books. You all are welcome to suggest nice books! A thankful kiss from the handsome. Muaks~ kaka..

I will yet need to idle around this current place to get its sense and context and SPIRIT! Bless me for living well here. ^_^ .

New Life, here we go!

强吻

搬了新家后，这几天都因 overtime [working+packing+moving+unpacking] 。。。工作后还得来往新旧家，所以每每回到这新家时已经夜晚了。洗澡后，囫囵吃了晚餐不久，就要上床睡觉。因为住得远了，早上又得早起。如此下来，人变得精神不太好。是非常不好的。容易发生意外。因为，我虽然是男生，却也遇上了事故。所以，想说，女生更要照顾好自己。别让自己吃亏了。

今天放工后，有点虚脱+筋疲力尽而直接躺在沙发上。几乎不经一事的时候，突然被我的 housemate- Elmo 压在身上，紧抱着我。就这样被他强吻了。他的吻很热。很有力量。我极力拒绝。我想说，我不是 gay 的。当时却完全没有让我说话的空间。没想到，原以为他看起来书卷气质的样子，却。。。也没想到，一段时间没人吻过我。在这里不过数日，就被强吻了。Elmo，是我这新家主人的狗。不错，是一只感觉书卷味的狗。我想，或许我的嘴唇也有点性感吧。

以前的女友说过觉得我的嘴唇性感，让她觉得看来很好亲的样子。其实，我十撇中没有一撇是沾上性感的墨水。Wikipedia解释是说，那叫--爱屋及乌。讲到吻，让我想不到明确的东西，却感觉到唯美。可是，我天生对吻没有开窍技术可言。会搞到很尴尬。但那种尴尬，回想也是一种美。一些女生似乎‘喜欢’强吻的感觉，很突然的激情。我肯定会将突然的激情煮成突然的尴尬，然后空气中弥漫着停滞的气氛。所以，还是比较喜欢女生强吻我啦。不好意思，这方面，我做被动啦。情场上，常做了主动的傻瓜，所以想做被动的。哼。。嗯。。拜托了凯子，要天生帅/天生强/天生贵的才能有这种无聊的想象咯。。（摇头）我自己跟自己说话，精神分裂。。

不过，可能最近认识了一位开朗的女生朋友，所以正面了许多。而且她笑点低，容易笑。所以很好。羡慕-ing。她说她很长气地说正极能量的好处而觉得她自己很长气。其实她或许不知道，我觉得她很“正气”的。是正的气质。有些人有歪的气质。以前我曾经很容易悲观伤感，而自命清高地给了自己一个名--灰色王子，而且思想角度比较负面。其实，我不想太清高，因为我不想太短命。还有很多我想看到的东西。其实我本质应该是流着热情的血，对生活有一种爱。所以，还是感觉正面地过，日子会好过很多。

像今天，如果让我努力去想，发生了许多零零碎碎的霉事。但那要努力去想，而且不太想起是什么了。因为，脑海中装下了今天小小开心的事。虽然小，只要装了下去，就感觉满满了。所以，笑了。

^__^

zo mo

其实现在应该忙于收拾东西。。。但我觉得很闷很无聊。所以来这里溜荡一两下。

最近下了一些雨。夏天突然放飞机，早了报道，现在却要迟到。雨后。雨后，如果你放宽视野放大角度去看这个世界，亮丽地，清新地，通常会有彩虹。雨后，如果你将自己含蓄地蹲在一角，细腻地，缓慢地，你会看到这世上小小且毫不起眼的生物。像山洪像海啸的雨后，蚂蚁开始爬出洞，蚯蚓开始探出头来。

这几天偶尔有些东西灵感像蘑菇一样在发霉的脑海一片一片冒出来。但Mario 没有跳过来採。可能空中的浮砖太高了。所以没有在这里写一些心里脑里突然的一些遐想。有时候那些突然的时候其实很多时候会突然神来一笔的。是有墨水有颜料可以在这里写写画画的。毕竟我会一点山水画。这种时候最适合。如果心情有点激烈，再被人家或事物或天意加了点油醋的话，就适合来幅烈火雄心的油画。不过，没有很对的心情在很对的时间啦。所以或许就浪费了那些雨后蘑菇。没办法啦，没有宣纸怎么来幅山水画，我不能像星爷在唐伯虎點秋香那里那样画啊。

所以啊。。。所以我说，还是要心不甘情不愿地继续收拾。有点感叹。又要搬家了。我挺喜欢这一带住处的环境。很不错的。附近也有绿绿的草原公园，高高的树，怡人的景，怡人的人，怡人的建筑。有空放一两张照片让大家看看啦。我喜欢在天气好的时候，在那里慢跑步。然后躺在草地上。睁开眼，蓝空配白云，绝对的高调地在说情话。闭上眼，感觉暖暖的斜射阳光，轻轻地听听加嗅嗅加深呼吸。呼出的是负能量。将头往右转，画面是90度的，由上而下铺的绿地，横长的树干，情侣在相吻拥抱，有情不怕90度掉下去的。将头往左转，画面是-90度的，什么时候博物馆是横着建起的，一群群玩耍的小朋友在追逐在玩球，有青春也是不怕地心引力的。牛顿一定超无奈大家没将他的一番定律放在眼里，因为都在课本里。继续躺着躺着。。。

喔，大便，是了，我还要继续收拾。。。还是懒一下好leh。。。真不好意思让人家给我加油后我还在这边闲言碎语蹉跎岁月。
zomo要酱子。。。努力努力加油加油！！卍解


(卍解注解)

钱不够用

看了新加坡电影《钱不够用II》。看到关于妈妈的片段，很感动。我哭了。是的，是哭泣。让我掉眼泪的电影不多。让我哭得抽噎的电影更不多。电影里画面拍摄极其平凡。用了最简单直接的方式表达了大众的生活。最直接的感动。最见效。也反映了许多大部分人的生活，现实的残酷。很教育性。戏里虽然有一些并不需要的电脑元素和赞助味道，但无伤大雅，没有影响大纲。

电影导演梁智强展示了一贯作风，这次传达了精神层次更多的理念。值得一提的是演老妈妈角色的马来西亚演员--黎明。小时候就看多她演的戏了。这次的她，演活了mother的角色，牵动了观众的心。让我因为她掉了许多眼泪。有一幕她回头望的时候，我的心被紧紧地楸着。。。 另外，自己喜欢戏里的赖怡伶，很漂亮动人，有着我见犹怜的气质，愿意为爱和家牺牲的小女人。如果有妻如此，何需他求。妳的手，我会牵紧紧。（嗯。。本人善于被感动+幻想。。牌写。。）

钱不够用，是极度烦恼的。比没钱更穷的时候，是更可悲的。穷了心志。穷了灵魂。穷了道德。成了彻底的穷鬼，是让人伤心的。《艺妓》里说了一句话：“有钱的并非最富裕，情才是福”


电影里用了歌曲-- 江蕙 《家后》 (Internet Explorer / Safari is needed)
----

我就要开始收拾清理了，然后搬家，然后再收拾清理。会有一段忙的日子。最想要的房子拿不到。或许冥冥中自有安排。有不甘愿命运如斯，却也安然接纳。因为我也尽力了。觉得钱不够用。也努力着。只要一直有尽心尽力做好自己，就有继续加油走下去的力量。

Mates. Let's move on. Hand in hand. ^_^
----

“钱不够用2″mother入围金马奖

点击这里看一些电影简介和更多观众给予感动后的评语。我没在这里多讲，因为或许还有一些人还没看却想看的。

I've got the guts

Lately, the whole environment has been fluxed with uncertainties, so has been my life. I am about to move out from my current house. Plus, it has been quite a lot of architects got retrenched in architecture realm. Plus, i am waiting for my PR to be approved here which means my identity here is still in vagueness. Plus, i will go back to Malaysia for the year end holiday. Somehow, it seems to be the safest to stay still for now, to endure the storm of uncertainties. This however may not equal to the best.

Everyone smells it. The smell of worries over finance, employment etc. The smell of recession is strong and so maybe been exaggerated to some extents. The smell of Risk. 危. And who actually sees the opportunity beyond? 机. Safest to be the Still maybe. Risk and potential are tight on each side on a stream line of the Move. I am not sure what step i move may lead me to which side.

I have no ideas. But i have got the guts. I am going to have my holiday that will last for about 7 weeks. Among most of my friends who have freshly graduated (1 year or so experience is still considered as fresh for me) and are/are going to be permanent staffs, i should be the only one of my kind that have the guts to go for such a long holiday at a time like this: 'the economy slump and employment massacre'. I am never a brave person, nor am i smart. And i do not have enough wisdom, despite i have been feeling the wisdom in my teeth for a while already. Nevertheless, my holiday plan just happened to be a pre-conditionally misleaded one and hence needs justified.

My holiday was planned before the economy crisis. AUD currency was strong by then (just to let you imagine that everyone thought the economy and employment here were good by then) . Of course, AUD or whatsoever of that has nothing to do with my plan. My initiative of the holiday plan consists of: C'mas, New Year eve, family gathering and trip before my sisters go back to schools, meeting up with friends, CNY eve, and last but not least, my wisdom teeth operation. I do need some time to have all these done in my holiday.

I am quite looking forward to going back for holiday. Horoscope-ly speaking, a Cancer, like me, does rely and love his shell. After all, it is the shell that has been keeping him safe. He will polish his shell and make it a nice dreamy home for his family.

Well, frankly speaking, some degree of worries does cover my holiday plan. I am not sure if i am still of my company need when i am back to here. Anyway, most likely, i will just stick with the plan. The words from my friend Soma inevitably kept popping in my mind. Roughly, he said something like this: things always go beyond our grasp of control regardless of how foreseeable our plans have been worked out. We can never get the plan we planned. Because things not often work out the ways you hope. So, i guess what i will do is just to try my best to fulfill it. And, move on, with my faith. Faith, for having my plan appropriated to the best i can do, believing it is initiated from good wills.

With faith, we move on.
(also to my buddy CK)

是谁

昨晚睡梦中
是谁轻吻了我的脸颊
若有若无的呵气
淡淡的香味
徘徊在衣领上
弥漫在薄凉夜风中

春天

冬天。过去了。

在 Melbourne。四季里。我最爱春天和秋天。因为气温并不太极端。
可 Melbourne 的天气。像是女生的脾气。善变的淘气。有时一天里会有四季的天气。

我不爱冬天。因为夜长日短。常乌云挂天。

我爱春天万物更新的感觉。爱春天开始呈蓝的天空。爱青青嫩芽迫不及待地端在树枝上。爱花卉丛中含苞待放的兴奋。春天。是见证生命力的时候。是最难让人郁闷的时候。是横冲直撞了一年里头康复的时间。爱春天。也因为爱看女生穿得很漂亮。穿得少。却不太少。有飘纱的感觉。夏天。热情的背后。其实有更多的慵懒。

却没有想到。今年的春天。我大部分的时间。放在工作上。找房子更让我耗神耗力。这春天。让我很累。在这他人的土地上。找房子。让我偶尔想起那很烂又很好的马来西亚。想念我的好友。当然有好多到新加坡了。虽然那里没有春天。却记忆了我最多笑容的日子。有很好朋友的朋友。有时不太喜欢这里。因为没有归属感。每年搬家。我厌倦了找房子。厌倦了搬家。厌倦了凑人数。厌倦了跟不是很朋友的朋友有的无的说天气。我忘了。最后谈心的是哪一天。似乎。在这南方大岛上。我没有什么谈心的时候。没有什么笑到落泪的时候。这岛上。有许多很好很好的东西。可我并没笑得更多。或许。只是我突然现在很蓝。BLUE。

今年的春天。还爆发了经济萧条金融风暴。这里许多建筑公司裁员。扑开的画纸。像砧板。纸上绚丽的线条。像砧板上被宰的鱼流下的血痕。最后还是要被洗掉。再BLUE。又蓝又红。成紫。毒的颜色。晕。春天不能是紫色。不伦不类。坏。

嗯。反正明天要早到公司。我应该现在马上去睡。睡个漂亮的明天出来。明天。春天。

Fragrance. Hygiene.

I think sometimes i have quite a sensitive sense of scents. I used to post a blog about fragrance. Apparently i dont know much about perfume. But i do like it, if it is used nicely and appropriately. The fragrance is something beyond the pure smell from the bottle, it is some sort of evaporation that reveals someone's taste, gesture, character as well as the chemical myth that work out the coordination of finest workmanship, technology and users characters.

Sometimes, i am attracted by someone just because of her fragrance. Lightly. Decently. And sometimes i will be feeling very good while walking on the grass with the breeze of flowers fragrance. All these little details do surprisingly contribute to a 'good day'. Do you know why fragrance is important? Guess you all have always heard this phrase "romance is in the air". SO, we smell the romance!

Fragrant, does not mean clean. Smelly, however means bothering to the slightest; annoying or disgusting to a tougher degree. Since i have been working for months here, i started to notice the importance of oral hygiene. So far, to my experience in communicating in the work field, most bosses dont have problem with oral hygiene. Sometimes i only smelled the coffee scent when they speak. On the other hand, i found it really annoying when a colleague talked to me with bad oral odor. According to some statistical analysis, oral hygiene does help in improving human relationship, in work, and also among couples. I do really feel a bit reluctant to kiss a girl if she has really bad oral hygiene. Imagine how much extents of romance could it kill, while whispering in the ears, kissing, or having sex... When it comes to such seemingly meaningless detail, i am surprised by how deeply it influence or recall memories of mind. I can even remember so far in my life, i have encountered a few special girls. It was as if, i could smell their fragrance while they spoke. It was like.. i could hear the words from their mouth, but also i could smell the words. Come to think of it... smell the words... how weird. I have to say, fragrance, could form a picture, a painting, or a film.

Well, i personally dont know if i have bad odor or not, because i have troublesome wisdom teeth. However i do always try my best to keep my mouth clean. I use brush, mouthwash everyday, and dental frosts sometimes. At times, friends do comment that i am pretty slow while brushing my teeth. Well, it cant be bothered, because i just could not simply rush it even if i am late. Oral hygiene also plays an important role to keep one's health in good hand. Oral bacteria could influence one's heart in long term.

Personally, i think it is also common and important to keep armpit and feet clean. Appropriate use of deodorant is good too. But never too much. And i am quite supportive about armpit hygiene. I think hairless armpit is good. It may not be scientific but many could tell from experience. About feet, i once went to watch a movie with my friends. One of them took off his shoes in the cinema and the whole atmosphere became smelly and unbearable. With this kind of friends, i would definitely not go to any Thai or Korean or Japanese restaurant that requires sitting on the floor cushions and shoes-off at the entrance racks. I would go somewhere else. Of course, friends, are friends still. It is just the matter of getting along together in daily life, especially for close friends, housemates or couples.

I could sound a bit too picky and fussy. I used to have a girlfriend who embraces clean and hygiene quite exaggeratedly and funnily. She has even tried 'enforcing' her hygiene habit on me. Well, i guess many things in the past participated in shaping the ME today.

(Photo: The Kiss- by Chasing Twilight from Flickr)