2008回首

2009新年将即。许多人正准备如何如何庆祝跨年。而没有跟朋友度过的我会在这小小的镇乡自己含蓄倒数。我记得回乡前跟一位同事闲聊跨年的事，他轻松地说了一句话：“It's time to think what you have done for this year.”

简单却不易答。令人醒思。这是很好让自己横冲直撞后停一停脚步，想一想的时间。

庆新年之前，回想这一年。到底我做了什么。

这一年里，我遇见了不少人。努力的人。善良的人。开朗的人。热诚的人。豁达的人。拼命的人。现在想来，他们都是用心活好日子的人。让我自觉，自己做得还不够，所以还要加把劲。感激大家踏入我的圈子。让慧根本来就缺欠的我，因为你们而见识了，长智慧了。谢谢。

对不起。我也做错过事。对不起，我待人处事方面做不好。所以我要变得更好。让我曾经无意伤害的人知道我改善了。我紧记教诲。人生的教诲。

还有，也不忘要对今年没有见面却让我想起的人问候一声，你好吗？


众里寻他千百度，蓦然回首，那人却在灯火阑珊之处
雾里探花百折转，蓦然回首，芬香即在脸颊芳吻之上

因为回首，所以才发现，岁月留痕来往不意间。
也所以惊觉，年轻的心，不能老。要keep咯！
夜晚了，我静悄悄地，在伊的脸上吻了。
晚安。

Is there a Santa Claus?

"Yes, there is. He is always in your heart."

If you question is there a Santa Claus, you can read the answer below:
English source: http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia/
Chinese translation: http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_3ca594d8010000u1.html

It is good to share.
Thanks Boey.

睡梦缘分

我这人爱睡。可以的话，每天希望可以睡上9小时。现在假期的我，更可以‘为所欲为’。但也不爱睡到第二天下午，因为我觉得那太浪费时间了。并不是要更多的时间赚钱还是什么，而是觉得可以用那些时间做些有的没的。觉得灵感会偶尔突然来敲门。我不想伊敲门的时候，我在睡觉。而我在外独居的时候，还要做些闲杂家务。所以昏睡并不是我最爱的。

但我爱睡。因为可以很自由。做梦也很自由。某程度上，我爱自由。除了偏爱右侧入睡，就没有什么法则了。睡着后，自由地踢自由地翻最好。所以，我睡觉不穿内裤。穿越少越好越薄越好越自由越好。男生还是通风的好。夏天的话，就没甚问题。冬天的话，依然，只要躲进棉被就很爽。睡觉就是我最任性的时候。因为梦也可以任性到一个程度。

这两日来，在零约束下，做了奇怪的梦。梦见了同一个女生。我善忘，却不想忘记相遇的点点滴滴。如果我忘了，还希望她会在梦里提醒我。前晚，她出现得亲近，想她是关心郁闷的我。我觉得耳根有点热。昨晚，又遇见了，心情激昂的我，叫了她的名字。叫得有点尴尬有点青涩。。才想起，我似乎常遇见，却还没遇见这熟悉的女生。

我才发现，原来缘分才是最任性的。

A-L

Answer
i am not looking for an answer, i just want to take Action. i am on the move.

Beauty
i love seeing beauty. who doesn't. but i think the most beautiful grows from inside-out. it is sacred.

Calm
i like you staying calm in my arms. i would think i have a babe. and i would say to you.. babe, i love you.

Doubt
i doubt am i sinful to look at Beauty.

Elegance
i have never learned the true Elegance. it is not for me to say because it shines.

Friends
a word that is so close and so far for me. as i have been needing friends. as i have so much yet to learn to be a good friend for my friends.

God
god, and good, are just an 'o' difference. for some, believing in god makes them feel good. for some, having such belief makes them good.

Hump
we slow the cars down when we are near to humps. i like wednesday as it is called the hump day. the toughest was over and the weekend is near.

Intimacy
it is really good to feel that. and you will not be alone in this strangers world. the spirits dance together. the beings hug together.
in.ti.ma.cy. into me (you) see.
and i look at you. we smile.

Juice
it is something childish. kids like fruit juices.
it is something youthful. it feels fresh.
it is something sexy. look at her lips, it is juicy.
it simply signifies life and energy.

Knock
i knock the door. because i feel the urge to learn more knowledge. that is why i need a key.
i knock your door. because i want to live in your heart. that is why i want to see you smile at me.
i knock knock knock.. because i want to remind you.

Love
it consumes itself; and it generates.
it was bound to the moment of its emergence.
it was freed to the moment it is understood.
it is exclusive and inclusive.
do you feel my love?

M-Z

Mute
it must be so odd if you can turn the environment 'mute' of sound when you are in a dancing club. you start reading the lips, comprehending the body gesture, hearing the sound of silence, and witnessing the flow of time.

Nature
is there any authentic nature nowadays? if there is, it should be somewhere deep in our heart.

Odour
i like fragrance. of natural or artificial, as long as it meets the taste. it is sensational. when a boy tell a girl that she smells nice, there is chemistry.

Paper
it is thin. it is the medium to carry my words. and my words carry my feels. but i hate 'paper-cut'. the wound is so thin that you don't really notice, and you feel the pain only until you are done with a task. something tiny does hurt.

Question
i am curious; therefore i ask question. there could be questions for everything. but there are things with no answer, just like sometimes we don't need an answer to fall in love.

Redo
there is actually no such thing, for humans. that is why it has been created as a command in the virtual world of computers. "yesterday is history; today is a gift; tomorrow is a mystery" comes loud as a reminder.

Soul
i am someone who shares the inner easily. but a perfectionist like me is highly selective to share my soul with.

Tense
i pour the whole heart when i love something. and before it is flooded, the air is so stiff so stiff; the clouds are so tense so tense. but i know tension could be lovely.

UV
how smart is it to put these 2 alphabets together. we love sunshine, but we dislike UV. i see her putting on SPF30+ face lotion.

Wounds
we are all vulnerable, because we are subject to wounds. thank you for putting a band-aid so softly on my wound.

X-ray
it is a huge medical contribution. transparency, balances up the efficiency of works. but sometimes beauty lies in the mist of vagueness.

Yawn
you do it; and i will follow you. ops, sorry, i don't mean you are boring, i just reflect the season of lazing around. boss, i am in holiday. mates, follow me, open up wide your arms, stretch your body, and yawn.

Zone
there is no law in gray zone, but uncertainties. i take the sword of bravery, attempting to cross the zone. sometimes, trespassing is granted.

The Late Compliments

Van Gogh_ The Starry Night

A conversation has led me to think of the compliments that come late.

Van Gogh
A Post-impressionism artist that i like very much. I may not know him and his works very well. But i truly like his paintings, especially The Starry Night. His paintings has a very delicate kind of emotion nourishing the atmosphere even on the side of the viewers. I say, he paints beyond his paper. I personally think he is a romantic artist. Not only they are just simply petrifying for me to look at, his works draw the wings of imagination on me. I know i fly to the moment in his paintings. I admire him. If there is a chance for me to see his exhibition, i would love to go for it. If there is an event bringing the effort to collect his works together for exhibition station by station globally, i would like to contribute with even the slightest possible effort.
He died at the age of 37, due to depression.

Heath Ledger
An impressive actor that i think he has done well for the roles he took. I am not his super fans. Nor have i watched all the movies he had taken part in. But he definitely has done extremely well for the character of Joker in the movie-- The Dark Knight. Weeks ago, there were still controversial debates that, on behalf of him, who is qualified to receive the Prize from 2008 Academy Award and Golden Globe Awards. It is respectful how he has deeply dissolved into a role and from within he created a character that stands out.
He died at the age of 28, due to medication abuse, that many believed depression was the main cause.

The compliments to the above mentioned are late.
Gogh's paintings have got famous after his death. Ledger's movies have gained breaking records after his death too. Both of their talents and contributions have been largely recognized and acknowledged. Having said that.. they wouldn't know.
The late compliments thus become very sentimental.

Shall we pay our salute.
And, shall we look into the issue of depression, more closely, and more concernedly.

It seems like geniuses tend to have depression more likely, though i hope this is just a coincidence. Besides, i have family members who are suffering depression and i know the pain to some extents. It drives people to nuts of how helpless it could be at times. My aunt used to tell me to be living more happily, taking less priority on achievements. She was worried i tend to be using too much brain and also following steps into depression. Now, i would like to stand with people around, and live a good life. I have met someone that embraces so much positiveness so spontaneously. I am encouraged. We all should know, the more positive you stay, the more positive the people around will be influenced by you. Happiness is highly contagious, so is melancholy. You are to decide which side of hand you are lending to. And, be grateful to have friends and family who cheer you up, who concern about you. Life is great!

p/s: i love you.

心动

“我做错过许多事，也欠过许多人，但有一个人是我素昧平生的。那只是偶然的相遇，甚至没有眼神的交集，我却觉得欠他，至今忘不了。”-- 刘墉

我看了这一句，呆了。好象探讨了近来一直徘徊在我心里的想法。我想，缘分的邂逅是奥妙的。相遇，是珍贵的。有缘千里来相聚，无缘对面不相识。向左，向右，看。我，如果在人海中，遇见了。偶然相遇，所以相识。或许的偶然变成或许的唯一，就会想把握。向前，看。我会想握紧缘分，一起向前走。我不想错过。一次，不想错过。更不会有‘第二次，可能还会再来’的念头了。如果这一次对了，我想捉住她的手。

握住她的手，那会是一种承诺。那一刹那前，我会想，我自己好吗？我希望自己好，所以可以好好地待我心爱的人。我知道无法完美，但希望尽可能不再带来伤害。我做错过许多事，也欠过许多人。

我这人太跟感觉走。言行举止不免因此常让人觉得不可思议，或因轻举妄动而显轻浮。也因此留下了许多把柄。有剑刃插在胸口的把柄。有时人家无意不小心牵动了把柄，我独自痛了。成长，我还是不太小心翼翼。因为，不想顾虑着后面的步法，而扰乱了现在想垮出的步伐。

我知道，我充满破绽。我知道，我是任性。可还是不想因，为了预测将来而扭曲了我最初的冲动，原始的感动。我。。想哭就哭。想爱就爱。如果不理智是错的。。哪我继续错下去。。感觉对了，我就出发。。

我会想她的笑话而睡前噗呲一笑。我会想她的回眸一笑而傻笑。我会将路人看错成是她。我觉得这种错，有一种力量。

错，还有一种力量。觉得自己摊在迷漫的零引力空间，却在旋转着。好象不会掉在地上。。。

我不想妳告诉我这是错的。只想请妳，让我握紧妳的手，如果我在人海中找到了妳。也想请妳，牵紧我的手，好让我不到处乱走。请牵紧了，让我们一起走。走着走着。。如果我看到妳眼角挂着泪珠，脸颊上泛着泪光，请让我帮妳拭去眼泪。我希望妳哭着还笑。

错下去，我们一起掉泪，一起欢笑，一起成长。
准备好将妳的手递放在我的掌心上？

雨后彩虹

这场雨。还在下。从昨天上午下到了今天下午。

让我回想了一些往事。雨。水从天而降下。有时绵密。有时松散。有时轻。有时重。所以有时觉得。雨水像是回忆。有时不能预测。不能避免。也不能控制。

回忆。是承载过去的时间。酒精。与其说是醉人其实是人自醉。沉醉于回忆。所以教育常说。过量酒精不好。我成长了。所以也慢慢学习了。时间。像是酒精。打针前敷在了皮肤上。冰凉凉的。其实酒精暴露在空气中蒸散了。不因你的留恋而停留。不因地心引力而不向上蒸发。不知不觉。像一个不留神。时间溜走了。针刺进了肤肉。才有了感觉。

雨还在下。雨水打在屋顶。再滴在树叶。再掉到土地上。渗进去。进去。我想起了数年前的一个雨天。

我觉得那天。那个雨天。为我笨笨的初恋。她正式画上休止符。那个傍晚下雨。我和她约好了看电影。那天就像朋友相约看电影那样。但我当时心底里还爱着她。雨很大。我下车撑伞去接她。上车后彼此轻拍去身上的雨水。说些有的没的。她面向着我。忙着理理衣服。我向她趋前。伸手到她身后。治安不太好所以帮她将车门锁的钮按下。她微微地向后缩。那晚我们看了电影。

几天后。我拿了一枝花放在身后去见她。以前送她一束花。她欢喜感动。那天见到了她。她脸色有点异样。我想让她开心些。我拿出了花。她没接收。告诉我。彼此不好再这样下去了。我不好像那个看电影的雨天般待她。她觉得彼此没有在谈恋爱而我依旧对她细心体贴。那是对我的不公平。她说彼此不好再相见。我觉得她伤感却坚定的眼神撑起了她柔弱的身子。而虚弱不舍的我回头走了。将那枝花放在草地上。那晚。处女座的她看起来长高了。巨蟹座的我很莫名伤心。

后来。我知道。她那是善良的残忍。我想说。
“谢谢妳的善意。我有了后来的勇气。”

我知道。曾经爱过。而我没有爱错那善良的女生。也因为她。我今天过得不错。以后也会好好的。因为。她应该知道。我希望她好。而我也知道。她希望我过得好。

我们还会见面啦。如果有机会啦。也会谈天的。虽然近年来很少联络。我知道。我们将来见面时。会很自然地谈笑。她会像以往一样又轻又密一直地说她身边她喜欢她快乐的事。我也会很开心地听着。笑着。

我想到她。就想笑。哈

笑

你有没有体验过一种感觉。。。输了。。却很开心？那是一种很妙的感觉。当我筋疲力尽的时候，还将力气输在了笑，然后躺在床上开心地睡去。我知道我是微笑着进入梦想。那感觉很妙。

你有没有从繁密琐碎的生活细缝中看见过一种轻飘游间的感动？那是一种很优美的举动，微细的感动。今天电车上看见一位模特一般的女生。繁杂人群中，她静静地坐着，却像鹤立鸡群。很模特的身材。很模特的服装。很模特的脸孔。很模特的眼神。还有一种很有性格有点冰冷的感觉。到了另一站，更多乘客拥挤在电车上。人与人间留下断续的视缝。断续的片段还是看到模特女生。继续看着。除了她美。更因为是本身对表演舞台的人出现在日常中有着极罕见的视觉震撼。但多数人不像我，许多人在物色着某某或或腾空的位子。相对地，模特女生内旁还有一个位，放着她不大的包包。。一位带着小孩的妇女意示模特女生让出包包的位。她迟疑了一下。后拿起她的包包。显然易见的，那位子是脏的。可是她自己移坐到那个脏位上。让出原来坐的座位给妇女。妇女不好意思地让孩子坐了。模特女生微微地笑一笑。很快地进入她自身静默的状态。像是准备下一场表演要来了。像是偶尔轻敲的琴键，毫不扰动他的电话交谈，或她的阅报，或他们的扯闹，或他们的谈情说爱，或他们的神游四方，还有我不时的观察。琴声却悠悠地飘扬在缝隙间。那种感觉很温柔细致。

你有没有被小小的手掌握过你小小的尾指？那是一种很亲切纯洁无邪的触觉。相信很多人都喜欢那种感觉。电车上，一位坐在我身边的爸爸，抱着他的小孩。那孩子如果是男的，那也长得太美了。如果是女孩，那也长得很英气。反正就是可爱的小孩。蔚蓝清澈的眼神看着我。从爸爸的怀抱里，伸出小小右掌。好像要击掌为誓。那先生说小孩要跟我 Hi 5！我笑着轻轻地拍在他的手掌。小孩笑得很开心。接二连三跟我闹着 Hi 5。结果我们好象 Hi 25 了。小孩后来顽皮地挣脱了爸爸的怀抱，爬到我的身上。我轻轻将他抱起。问他叫什么名。好象听到他爸爸说是 Veno 还是 Wilo 尔尔的。不象是澳洲本地人。小孩笑呵呵地用小小的手掌握着我的尾指。我喜欢小孩这样握我的手指。他爸爸说他似乎很喜欢我。

我笑了。

(Pic Source: http://casacamisas.wordpress.com/2008/03/05/now-with-double-wrist-action/)

如果要爱

##
如果要愛
我必須愛一個真實的人
意思是這個人有缺點有弱點
會欺騙會犯錯
會病痛會死掉

如果我愛了這個人
我只有整個人都愛

不是因為我昏昧
也不是因為我倔強

是因為
這是我唯一相信的
愛的方法

如果我只愛了這個人美好的部份
我心裡會知道
其實這次
我沒有真的愛
##
蔡康永-我要爱个真实的人

##
一辈子都要寻找驚艳的感觉
就算不让别人驚艳
也要让自己驚艳
就算外表不美
里面也美
。。。
##
刘墉-《爱要一生的驚艳》

我也记得
电影《Enchanted》里
童话故事并不匪意所思 只要相信爱 没有所谓童话与不童话

还记得
动画片《Kungfu Panda》里
Master Shifu just thought that panda Po was just not going to make it as a new kung fu hero
but the wise Oogway told him
you dont need to know how but to believe
And finally Po has got the dragon scroll which is blank
he got to know
he does not need words of instruction
but believe the very strength from the heart

所以
我
如果要爱
会爱个真实的人
整个人都爱
用我人生的驚艳去爱她

而爱
是不需去想是否能行
而是相信
只要我爱 所以行

如果要爱
我会开足马力

一路上

今晚。有点夜归。捉输棋的错。奔。我奔向车站。。。

只见电车跑了。我慢了一步。
看着电车的尾巴。我叹了一口气。果然。电车只是一大条铁团。没有一点感情。没有娇龙的灵巧。没有白蛇的诡异。实在没有灵性。只有夜空的零星。

今晚。一路向北。一步一步地踏。走。我得步行回家了。。。

孤单个影。走在漫长的路上。从开始的埋怨。心绪慢慢沉静下来。我才发现。这一路上。我曾经走过。路旁的一树一屋。。映入眼帘。脑海掠过曾经走过的痕迹。原来。当年曾经陪一位女生朋友夜晚回家。走在这一路上。想起。原来她曾经喜欢我。所以牵了我的手。原来她当时并不累。

这夜晚突然变得很长。感觉走了很久。夜空呈紫。心情有点蓝。。。

接近家的路了。看到另一辆电车缓缓开来。我清醒了。心中。自然地。毫不迟疑地。毫不做作地。飙出一连串怪码。
好象是类似这样的。 #@$*%$##!!$^#% 。呵呵。。放心。我很好。不禁骄傲。我可比你这铁条快。我轻功有点进步。继续加油。轻功好。才能吃到棉花糖。因为棉花糖是轻飘飘的。天空中的一朵云。

回到了家。心情还有点怪蓝的。洗澡后好很多。所以我爱洗澡。洗澡的时间。是不容妥协的。睡前开一下电脑。看到师妹越洋的字句。自然地。毫不迟疑地。毫不做作地。我笑翻了。没有一点矜持。

我想。。。今晚睡不好了。哈。
不怕不怕。。周末来了。

短的。长的。有的。没的。过去的。将来的。你的。我的。
一路上的。谢谢陪伴。因为陪伴。这一路上。其实不寂寞。

爱。